Oh "community"

I find myself time and time again being let down by friends. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and people in general so much! I love encouraging my friends, joking with my friends, and being silly and stupid with my friends. And that's all really good, but that could also possibly be my problem. If you're a christian and in a relationship with God, friends and that infamous word 'community' are SO vital to you. You need other christians/followers of christ/jesus lovers around you. They help you grow and learn and make your christian walk better. But for me and i'm sure for some others, Community can be an idol. And a hindrance. I often find myself angry and hurt and jealous and discontent. I long for something or someone that I don't have. I want to be in and not out. I want to be "tight" with so and so. All of these aspects have sprung out of my desire for community. Sometimes I want just want to scream from all the negativity I accumulate. I know some of this doesn't sound like me, but it's true.

This is something I am battling every single day. What others think of me. Who I can impress and make think that i'm really cool or funny. It's a huge stumbling block and I really wrestle hard with it.

I think God is trying to show me that He wants me to start loving him more. I need to make Him my idol. He created me and will love me more than ANY other single thing or person in this world. We absolutely as Christians need other christians for help and growth. BUT if I put my significance in others thinking im the shit (sorry haha), i'm missing the point completely. I must become less and he must become more. I want to be consumed with this saying and I want my life to reflect Jesus and not myself. I don't want to be selfish, but selfless.

That's all I have. I want to reiterate that I love my friends so much, BUT I need to NOT make impressing them, or making them laugh, or their friendships in general, an idol.

No Worry Summer

What to do? I love looking back at old posts and remembering things that went on. And how poor my writing was. *Sigh* But one post I distinctly remember is the post about me going to TENNESSEE last summer. I was so nervous and unsure and scared. That summer consisted of a full time job and full time christian fellowship and full time amazingness...and was the best set of three hot months that i've ever had. And I was worried. So here I am again a little worried about what's going to happen this summer. I have a lot of things in mind. I thought about doing Discipleship Focus (last summer) again but I feel God leading me away from it. It was the best summer ever, but I know I have more to experience before my final year in College. That FREAKS me out saying that. I am soo not ready to graduate and move on! Phew. Why does time have to fly so fast?

Options for this summer, could be one, none or all. HOPEFULLY all:





Rockbridge with IV for the last time perhaps? It's an amazing week and I want to go. $$'s always an issue. Also possibly Rockbridge for 2 weeks of working summer staff at the end of August.
Cadiz, Spain. SPAIN? what?! yep. I really want to do a study abroad program through CNU. 3 weeks. homestay. improved spanish. amazing experience. and 6, yes 6 CREDITS. I really pray I can make this possible.
NorthBay. like 5 days to go to camp with Wyldlife kids. Something that I know will be such a fun and good experience. hope I can make it!
AND FINALLY some form of employment that will be flexible with me going to these places and doing these things!!

Prayer please. for big stuff and exciting stuff. :) And for no worry. God is good, always.