Friday, April 22, 2011

Oh "community"

I find myself time and time again being let down by friends. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and people in general so much! I love encouraging my friends, joking with my friends, and being silly and stupid with my friends. And that's all really good, but that could also possibly be my problem. If you're a christian and in a relationship with God, friends and that infamous word 'community' are SO vital to you. You need other christians/followers of christ/jesus lovers around you. They help you grow and learn and make your christian walk better. But for me and i'm sure for some others, Community can be an idol. And a hindrance. I often find myself angry and hurt and jealous and discontent. I long for something or someone that I don't have. I want to be in and not out. I want to be "tight" with so and so. All of these aspects have sprung out of my desire for community. Sometimes I want just want to scream from all the negativity I accumulate. I know some of this doesn't sound like me, but it's true.

This is something I am battling every single day. What others think of me. Who I can impress and make think that i'm really cool or funny. It's a huge stumbling block and I really wrestle hard with it.

I think God is trying to show me that He wants me to start loving him more. I need to make Him my idol. He created me and will love me more than ANY other single thing or person in this world. We absolutely as Christians need other christians for help and growth. BUT if I put my significance in others thinking im the shit (sorry haha), i'm missing the point completely. I must become less and he must become more. I want to be consumed with this saying and I want my life to reflect Jesus and not myself. I don't want to be selfish, but selfless.

That's all I have. I want to reiterate that I love my friends so much, BUT I need to NOT make impressing them, or making them laugh, or their friendships in general, an idol.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

No Worry Summer

What to do? I love looking back at old posts and remembering things that went on. And how poor my writing was. *Sigh* But one post I distinctly remember is the post about me going to TENNESSEE last summer. I was so nervous and unsure and scared. That summer consisted of a full time job and full time christian fellowship and full time amazingness...and was the best set of three hot months that i've ever had. And I was worried. So here I am again a little worried about what's going to happen this summer. I have a lot of things in mind. I thought about doing Discipleship Focus (last summer) again but I feel God leading me away from it. It was the best summer ever, but I know I have more to experience before my final year in College. That FREAKS me out saying that. I am soo not ready to graduate and move on! Phew. Why does time have to fly so fast?

Options for this summer, could be one, none or all. HOPEFULLY all:





Rockbridge with IV for the last time perhaps? It's an amazing week and I want to go. $$'s always an issue. Also possibly Rockbridge for 2 weeks of working summer staff at the end of August.
Cadiz, Spain. SPAIN? what?! yep. I really want to do a study abroad program through CNU. 3 weeks. homestay. improved spanish. amazing experience. and 6, yes 6 CREDITS. I really pray I can make this possible.
NorthBay. like 5 days to go to camp with Wyldlife kids. Something that I know will be such a fun and good experience. hope I can make it!
AND FINALLY some form of employment that will be flexible with me going to these places and doing these things!!

Prayer please. for big stuff and exciting stuff. :) And for no worry. God is good, always.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Scandalous, eh?

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night


scan·dal·ous (skndl-s)
adj.
1. Causing scandal; shocking
2. Containing material damaging to reputation; defamatory:

Scandalous indeed.

This week at Wyldlife Club on Thursday afternoon I'm giving a talk about the Cross and how Jesus took our sins woop woop!! - Bringing some good news to some middle school friends!! Im nervous but it'll be great



Gildersleeve Middle School

Friday, February 25, 2011

A Due Thanks

My Church back home in Va Beach was able to help me pay for the missions trip to Newark this year. God is ALWAYS good. And even if I didn't get money for this trip he would still be good.

I'm excited to be stripped away this coming week. This trip is something i've done every year since being in college and I haven't regretted it since..well maybe once the last day last year when I was vomitting incessantly, but that probably won't happen again right? Anyways this trip is so humbling. Every time it strips me down and reminds me that I AM SO blessed and fortunate and that others aren't. We did this song last night at IV and it's a good expression of what we all need to ask of God for our lives.

Strip away all that remains
For Your glory and Your Name
'til there's nothing left of me
Burn the kingdoms I have made
That You would shine and I would fade
'til there's nothing left of me
'til there's nothing left of me


Video of a recap of our time in Newark last year: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=358674812191



Monday, February 21, 2011

Up in the air

Dear God,

Please provide a way for me to go to Newark this spring break. I need money. You know this. Please.

Amen

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Ramblings

I love how my thoughts seem to seep out more prominently late at night. This post doesn't have much direction, just spilling things out. Read if you so desire :)

This past weekend I went on Intervarsity's Chapter Retreat and had an a amazing time! I expected nothing less :) One negative thing though: got a massive rug burn on my right knee that has developed into several chunks of scabs that make it difficult to walk without having me wince in slight pain. Gross I know. What's even more hysterical is watching me trying to ride a bike, pushing the left pedal over and over because I can't bend my right knee enough to pedal that side. It's terrible..I feel like I broke a bone or something, nope only a scabby scab in just the wrong spot.

Aside from that problem...chapter retreat and its goodness. It really means a lot to me that trip. My freshman year I was really struggling to make friends up until that weekend in february. I wasn't even planning on going until a friend from high school (who also goes to CNU) really urged me to, the night of one Intervarsity large group. "Hey are you going on the retreat this weekend?" "I don't think so man, I don't really know anyone." "Uh you know me. Don't worry i'll take you, be ready to leave around 5 and i'll pick you up." ...It's simple gestures like that that make a big difference in someone's life. If my friend hadn't been persistent in trying to get me to come, I wouldn't have made so many friendships, I wouldn't have broken out of my shell a little more, I wouldn't have been able to step into the amazing group of Christian fellowship that CNU has. I'm so thankful for that. Don't ever overlook the simple gestures.

Another rambling that's been floating around my mind recently is THIS summer. What in the WORLD can I do? Praise Jesus I have a good living situation lined up for next year with bros who love the Lord like me. But after this semester and before that one..what in the world can I do? Im really looking for something that can tie in to my major: Spanish. Internship abroad is what i am REALLY feelin. Who know's, but I've got to get on the ball. Time is indeed flying.

That's all really. Just a quick splurge of a blogpost. School is going well. God is good. And you're a great friend for reading all this.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Do you really want what you ask for?

I wanted to keep up with this blog first and foremost because I really, truly believe it's good for someone to jot down their thoughts on their everyday lives. Very good in fact. But to be honest It's been difficult. How can I find something interesting and exciting to type when I all I do is go to college and take classes? Should I really vomit up some info from a spanish class and tell people about Mr. Mariano Jose de Larra and how his sarcastic short story entitled "Vuelva Usted MaƱana" (Return Tomorrow) depicts the stereotypically lazy lifestyle of the average spanish person?? Uhhh No thank you.

So I was just really wishing for something to write about, something more than boring ole' college classes. And boy did I get what I asked for.

On Tuesday night (I believe it was) I went to the library to record a dialogue with a friend for a Spanish 308 assignment. Simple enough. But almost everytime I go the TribLib I think of my captain's card that holds dining dollars on it and I slowly but surely convince myself into buying a tasty coffee from the wonderful Einstein's cafe. A terrible habit. So, after almost finishing our recording Aubrie and I were chatting it up a little before parting, and I unfortunately make a move that tops the charts on the Most Clumsy Moments Ever list. Reaching for a pen on the left hand side of my computer, I knock my cup of coffee onto the keyboard of my Macbook. Ahhh!! screams through my mind. I grab my computer as quick as possible and tilt it upside down trying to shake out as much of the dark aromatic liquid as possible. Fortunately my cup was almost empty but I would guess a good handful went into the computer. So after a few frantic moments we clean up the mess and part. The screen had flickered on and off before so I was praying on the way home that all would be alright with it. Prayin hard.

On to part deux of the story. To put it bluntly, my roommates and I were late on paying for our gas bill. Darn living in a house off campus that proves much responsibility will indeed by required! Growing is a learning process yes it is. Thus upon returning home our house was freezing and my negative disposition grew. The next few days felt like torture! A college kid with no computer and having to go to sleep bundled up in sweatpants and big sweatshirt isn't the most fun situation to be in. Complaining was not an uncommon occurence.

But Fortunately my week is done and I can say all is good.. After a few days of drying my computer in front of a heater and not turning it on, it is seemingly working just fine, praise the Lawd. Also, we got our bill payed and heat is presently filling the house. God is good.

I'll definitely be cautious of I what I wish for in the future ;)