Hooot! I am a Night Owl

Seriously it is just about 3am and I'm writing. My best deliberations come around this time though. What can I say? I don't hate it! haha.

So I hate to state the cliché statement, but YOU GUYS! I am a SENIOR!! And boy has time the time flown. I can distinctly remember the day I moved into my freshman dorm as a first year student. I remember the awkward first encounter of meeting my first roommate! Yall, I literally went to shake his hand "Hi, i'm Ke..." and I step on one of plastics bins carrying some of my books and I almost trip. Sorry, Corey, for making a fool of myself. What a first impression. So many moments! I can sharply recall going to the crowded club fair, going to the dining hall alone on numerous occasions, the difficulty of trying to shake off my shy temperament, the harsh reality that people my age cuss much more frequently than i'm used to, the day when there was tye dying on the Great lawn, the times i often left my vital CNU id in my room, the few times when we played speed scrabble in the hall York West 2b, the times when I went to and IV small group and didn't say a word. So many wonderful and honestly, rough, moments.

I love reminiscing. And i HAVE mentioned this before but it is ever so true. But I reminisce and reflect often because for me it allows for a great sense of appreciation and love. I turn to God and simply say "wow, Jesus" . Through tough times and amazing times you were there. And look at me now. Look at the change and growth. (i hope I have matured some ;) It gives me Hope too, for the future and all that is to come in my life. With my career, with friendships, with my family. I can look back and tell myself that HE always was and is and is to come. The Lord of everything is rooting for me.

I don't want to be sad. I'm kind of going into this summer a little sad. I feel like i've lost some opportunities and I have only a year to catch up on it all. It's going to be difficult but i'm going to try my hardest to go into senior year without any expectations. I want to take whatever I encounter and make the best out of it. This is my time to not waste chances and to not hesitate and put myself out there. I have a final year in college to live it up, to love, to grow, to enjoy time with people who are just trying to get through school and life. This is it and it's coming. Senior year is at my doorstep.

Oh "community"

I find myself time and time again being let down by friends. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and people in general so much! I love encouraging my friends, joking with my friends, and being silly and stupid with my friends. And that's all really good, but that could also possibly be my problem. If you're a christian and in a relationship with God, friends and that infamous word 'community' are SO vital to you. You need other christians/followers of christ/jesus lovers around you. They help you grow and learn and make your christian walk better. But for me and i'm sure for some others, Community can be an idol. And a hindrance. I often find myself angry and hurt and jealous and discontent. I long for something or someone that I don't have. I want to be in and not out. I want to be "tight" with so and so. All of these aspects have sprung out of my desire for community. Sometimes I want just want to scream from all the negativity I accumulate. I know some of this doesn't sound like me, but it's true.

This is something I am battling every single day. What others think of me. Who I can impress and make think that i'm really cool or funny. It's a huge stumbling block and I really wrestle hard with it.

I think God is trying to show me that He wants me to start loving him more. I need to make Him my idol. He created me and will love me more than ANY other single thing or person in this world. We absolutely as Christians need other christians for help and growth. BUT if I put my significance in others thinking im the shit (sorry haha), i'm missing the point completely. I must become less and he must become more. I want to be consumed with this saying and I want my life to reflect Jesus and not myself. I don't want to be selfish, but selfless.

That's all I have. I want to reiterate that I love my friends so much, BUT I need to NOT make impressing them, or making them laugh, or their friendships in general, an idol.

No Worry Summer

What to do? I love looking back at old posts and remembering things that went on. And how poor my writing was. *Sigh* But one post I distinctly remember is the post about me going to TENNESSEE last summer. I was so nervous and unsure and scared. That summer consisted of a full time job and full time christian fellowship and full time amazingness...and was the best set of three hot months that i've ever had. And I was worried. So here I am again a little worried about what's going to happen this summer. I have a lot of things in mind. I thought about doing Discipleship Focus (last summer) again but I feel God leading me away from it. It was the best summer ever, but I know I have more to experience before my final year in College. That FREAKS me out saying that. I am soo not ready to graduate and move on! Phew. Why does time have to fly so fast?

Options for this summer, could be one, none or all. HOPEFULLY all:





Rockbridge with IV for the last time perhaps? It's an amazing week and I want to go. $$'s always an issue. Also possibly Rockbridge for 2 weeks of working summer staff at the end of August.
Cadiz, Spain. SPAIN? what?! yep. I really want to do a study abroad program through CNU. 3 weeks. homestay. improved spanish. amazing experience. and 6, yes 6 CREDITS. I really pray I can make this possible.
NorthBay. like 5 days to go to camp with Wyldlife kids. Something that I know will be such a fun and good experience. hope I can make it!
AND FINALLY some form of employment that will be flexible with me going to these places and doing these things!!

Prayer please. for big stuff and exciting stuff. :) And for no worry. God is good, always.

Scandalous, eh?

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night

scan·dal·ous (skndl-s)
adj.
1. Causing scandal; shocking
2. Containing material damaging to reputation; defamatory:

Scandalous indeed.

This week at Wyldlife Club on Thursday afternoon I'm giving a talk about the Cross and how Jesus took our sins woop woop!! - Bringing some good news to some middle school friends!! Im nervous but it'll be great



Gildersleeve Middle School

A Due Thanks

My Church back home in Va Beach was able to help me pay for the missions trip to Newark this year. God is ALWAYS good. And even if I didn't get money for this trip he would still be good.

I'm excited to be stripped away this coming week. This trip is something i've done every year since being in college and I haven't regretted it since..well maybe once the last day last year when I was vomitting incessantly, but that probably won't happen again right? Anyways this trip is so humbling. Every time it strips me down and reminds me that I AM SO blessed and fortunate and that others aren't. We did this song last night at IV and it's a good expression of what we all need to ask of God for our lives.

Strip away all that remains
For Your glory and Your Name
'til there's nothing left of me
Burn the kingdoms I have made
That You would shine and I would fade
'til there's nothing left of me
'til there's nothing left of me

Video of a recap of our time in Newark last year: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=358674812191

Up in the air

Dear God,

Please provide a way for me to go to Newark this spring break. I need money. You know this. Please.

Amen

Ramblings

I love how my thoughts seem to seep out more prominently late at night. This post doesn't have much direction, just spilling things out. Read if you so desire :)

This past weekend I went on Intervarsity's Chapter Retreat and had an a amazing time! I expected nothing less :) One negative thing though: got a massive rug burn on my right knee that has developed into several chunks of scabs that make it difficult to walk without having me wince in slight pain. Gross I know. What's even more hysterical is watching me trying to ride a bike, pushing the left pedal over and over because I can't bend my right knee enough to pedal that side. It's terrible..I feel like I broke a bone or something, nope only a scabby scab in just the wrong spot.

Aside from that problem...chapter retreat and its goodness. It really means a lot to me that trip. My freshman year I was really struggling to make friends up until that weekend in february. I wasn't even planning on going until a friend from high school (who also goes to CNU) really urged me to, the night of one Intervarsity large group. "Hey are you going on the retreat this weekend?" "I don't think so man, I don't really know anyone." "Uh you know me. Don't worry i'll take you, be ready to leave around 5 and i'll pick you up." ...It's simple gestures like that that make a big difference in someone's life. If my friend hadn't been persistent in trying to get me to come, I wouldn't have made so many friendships, I wouldn't have broken out of my shell a little more, I wouldn't have been able to step into the amazing group of Christian fellowship that CNU has. I'm so thankful for that. Don't ever overlook the simple gestures.

Another rambling that's been floating around my mind recently is THIS summer. What in the WORLD can I do? Praise Jesus I have a good living situation lined up for next year with bros who love the Lord like me. But after this semester and before that one..what in the world can I do? Im really looking for something that can tie in to my major: Spanish. Internship abroad is what i am REALLY feelin. Who know's, but I've got to get on the ball. Time is indeed flying.

That's all really. Just a quick splurge of a blogpost. School is going well. God is good. And you're a great friend for reading all this.